What a Fool I Used to be Rush Presto, 1990 at West Texas State School

"If I could wave my magic wand
I'd make everything all right

I'm not one to believe in magic
But I sometimes have a second sight
I'm not one with a sense of proportion
When my heart still changes overnight"

The boys and I finished Chapter 2 of Ghost Rider this week and something truly supernatural occurred...the boys wanted to read to each other out loud! One may volunteer, but not everyone in the class...thus showing a genuine interest not only in Neil, but in the music of Rush. Prior to reading chapter 2, I played the above song...asked the boys to listen and then pick any color, words or graphic that came to their mind and express it in their journal. This type of free expression doesn't manifest itself often in these kiddos. Most find themselves alone, involved in gang activity or abused...often I am the first person with whom they will form a positive bond with. We have our ups and downs...I get called bitch often, but upon the day of release...their eyes tear up, give a sheepish smile and hold out their hand out to me...

In chapter 2, Neil relates his desire to be the fool he once was, unfortunately, everything that allowed him to be the fool he was...is gone. Fool doesn't come across with a negative connotation, in this sense Neil merely suggests that not being exposed to extreme pain and unbearable heartbreak allows us to trust openly and fully.

There are some humorous anecdotes, like filling the motorcycle with diesel instead of unleaded...causing the bike to go dead for a few hours...to the maybe hooker treating the young waiter badly on his first day.

Neil continues to share memories; the day Jackie gave him the BMW, his many rides with Brutus and tours with Rush. Neil displays a genuine interest in birds and describes the time on Barbados with Jackie before she dies.

Neil's house is sold in this chapter by his friend Sheila's husband. He was very thankful that these people stepped up and helped him through the tragedy. This experience transformed Neil's idea that 'Life is great, but people suck' to 'Life sucks, but people are great'.

Neil continues to create a world that his baby soul can survive in. He relives the accident taking Selena's young life, rebreathes the memory of Jackie's slow demise and recounts every idiotic thing he's ever done or said. He understands that he lacks forgiveness for others or even himself.

"Fortune is random --- fate shoots from the hip

I know you get crazy, but try not to lose your grip"

Neurotica, 1991