And Then There Were None

My last day of school? Had some really tender heartbreaking moments. The boys and I watched one more movie together...Michael. You know, the one with Travolta playing an angel. Then ten minutes before ten o'clock, they were informed transport had arrived and would be taking them to their new facility. They all lined up and hugged us, their teachers for the very last time.

I walked them over to their dorms so they could collect their belongings. Little plastic bags with toiletries and a few other personal items. One of the boys hugged me tightly and whispered that he loved me, that I was like a mother to him...one that he'd never known.

This kid always worked so hard in my class. He has a wonderful creative knack for writing and draws the most beautiful illustrations. I always try to give each kid an opportunity to use his talents in the classroom.

Then something occurred that I'd never witnessed before. The boys were handcuffed and shackled for transport. As the chains were donned, they went from being my little high school boys to hardened criminals. Some of them dropped their heads in shame as their eyes met mine. My heart broke, I'd never seen them this way before...and I couldn't help but tear up and wonder if this experience had been positive enough that it would be a catalyst for change.

I really won't ever know the answer to that question. All I can hope for is that maybe, when these fellas are grown, and have jobs and families, that maybe they'll look up their former English teacher and send me a message. Hopefully that message will inform me that they achieved the one thing I wanted for them. A life full of promise, of success, of always being in the free.

Census Training Cancelled By Snow Storm

That's the view from my front door looking across my yard into my neighbor's yard. That's a lot of snow and it's still coming down. I've complained to Old Man Winter already, but he's not taking complaints. I'm done with Winter. My Rose bushes were done with Winter, they had already started budding. I took the week off from my teaching assignment to do a week of training for the 2010 Census. Why would someone take a week off from their real job in order to train for a part time gig?

The school in which I teach will be closing soon. We were promised and assured by the leaders in Austin that we would have until August 31st of 2010. Then suddenly, an email was sent by Cherie Townsend stating that if West Texas State School and Victory Field closed early, let's say, by April 2nd of 2010, it would save the state 3 million dollars and possibly meet the budget cut requirements set forth by Governor Perry.

If the school closes April 2nd, then I'll have to drive four hours a day to Iraan in order to continue to work. I'm thinking I just might not do that. I'd have to leave the house around 4:30AM and that means waking my nine year old and getting her over to mommy's and daddy's at that time. Wouldn't you consider this quite a hardship?

The 2010 Census isn't really a part time gig. Seems that I have the opportunity to work seventeen weeks. That's a lot of guaranteed money. Also, I'm getting back into the insurance business, Medicare to be specific. And if Congress is able to create a National Payor, they're going to need a lot of insurance representatives, and that's something I know how to do REALLY well.

Considering I'm snowed in for the time being, I should probably use my time wisely and do a bit of cleaning and organizing. I should probably make some soup as well, I'm thinking Crab Bisque would be good. Yummy!




2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules
2 tablespoons finely chopped onion
1 1/2 cups half-and-half cream
1/2 pound pre-cooked crab meat
1/2 cup white wine

1.In a large saucepan, melt butter over a low heat. Stir in flour, salt, white pepper, bouillon granules, and onion. Blend 3/4 cup half-and-half cream into the mixture. Mix in shrimp and crab meat. Turn the temperature to medium heat and continue stirring until the mixture thickens.
2.Blend the remaining half-and-half cream and wine into the mixture.

The Cat's Out of the Bag

Rumor upon rumor upon rumor has spread like a vicious virus infecting the normal routine of the West Texas State School. How would I know of a thing? Because darlin', it's where I work, but not for long. We had a feeling a couple of years ago that something Wicked this way was coming for us West Texans and it's called budget cuts. Last year, right after Spring Break the state redirected half our student population to other state facilities causing a ripple effect of job lay offs.

At the end of this year, the transformer blew in the education building on campus leaving teachers and students in the dark and without heat during some of the coldest days of 2009. The state decided they wouldn't fix the problem and left us in the cold. We eventually found space in old warehouses and moved our belongings and continued to hold school despite the harsh and unfriendly conditions. We took this as a sign that our days were numbered.

Today, that sign has become a full blown slap to the face. Cherie Townsend, in an attempt to meet state government's demands for a 5% budget cut within all state entities, has proposed the early closing of the school. This closing is slated for April 2nd. We were assured over and over and over again that the school wouldn't be closing until the end of August. That we'd have our jobs until the end of August. That the students that we've been so dedicated to for the past couple years would be with us to TAKS test and GED test, but now that promise has been broken.

Yes, I agree with the man in the green suit and patriot tie on the CBS News when he states that West Texans are considered step children that no body likes when it comes to making decisions for the entire state. We are usually abandoned and left to fend for ourselves. Oh well, it's not the first time and I'm certain it won't be the last.

There Are Other Worlds To Sing In

Today, the boys and I read a few more chapters in Beowulf. The part we read is one of my favorites. It's after the killing of Grendel and his mother, after the death of King Higlac and after Beowulf has ruled for fifty years over Geatland. It's the part of where the dragon is roused and waked to anger due to a stolen cup. The narrator explained the origin of the dragon's treasure, how it had been brought there by the last survivor of an extinct race of people. The description was melancholy as he described the swords that will no longer be polished, jeweled helmets that will crack because of no one to wear them, that his people have been swept away by greed and will live no more.

After the reading, I had the boys start on their essays for the credit exams which will be given next week. The topic: Explain how one experience can change a person's life in a positive way. They had no idea what that meant. For most of them, they hadn't experienced anything that has changed their life for the better. I decided that I'd share how some negative experiences changed things for me. After the sharing, some of them were able to start writing. There were still a few that were stumped.

I explained that I loved watching "It's A Wonderful Life" this time of the year. Most had never seen the movie, but I explained how a man felt as if he'd not made any impact for the good with any of the people in his life. He wished he'd never been born. His wish was granted and he was able to see how all those around him changed for the worse because he wasn't there. Some even died, because he wasn't there to save them.

One boy remarked, "Oh, I don't think I've made any type of good impression on anyone. I'm pretty sure that everyone would be better off without me around."

I responded, "I'm glad to have met you and I'm sure I'm not the only one." Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.

TYC Turmoil and Top Teachers

I'm going to do something that I wouldn't normally do and that's to name names. The names I'm about to drop on here are of people that I've come to know over the course of a year. The year revealed that these people are caring, supportive and a lot of fun to work with. The reason I'm blogging this is because one year from today...Pyote High School will be no more and the staff of Pyote High School will no longer be together.

Debra Cummings is our BCIS and Social Studies teacher. She also pre-tests the boys for GED and does their TABE testing as well. She's short like me, smiles a lot and has a very cheery disposition. Anytime you need help or want a cheesecake baked...she's your gal. She's also rather emotional, and I know if she's reading this right now...she's probably tearing up a bit.

Gene Poole (no kidding) is our science teacher. He's also in charge of physical education and the fitness test. He's been around in education for YEARS! He's got a Tom Selleck mustache, banana boat tan, and loves hula girls. Gene tells it like it is, but will always put a smile on your face.

Leroy Rivera was a former boxer. I couldn't believe that he was my dad's age of almost 60, because he's lean and quite buff. He tells me it's because he married a woman about 10 years younger than him, always keeps him on his toes. Leroy is a big fellow, but soft spoken and has a gentle nature about him. He was the social studies teacher, but switched gears and is now teaching math.

I've blogged before about our secretary, Wendy Medina. This was her first year as a school secretary and she's great at it. She keeps the office well stocked with candy, coffee and teaching supplies. She's also the lady I car pool with daily. Her daughter and my son have been best friends since 2nd grade, I can't imagine leaving them behind.

Well, that leaves our principal, Mr. Hennigan. In grade school I had trouble with which principle (pal) to use. A teacher told me that you can remember it this way: Your school principal is your PAL. I've never forgotten. Mr. Hennigan says that he is the poster boy for the smiley face, he doesn't like to be mean, but sometimes he'll do what he has to do. He's the nicest boss I've ever had and also very patient. He's quite diverse as a person, as well. Rides a Harley, has a ranch in London, loves decorating for Halloween, enjoys hard rock music and Starbuck's coffee (that right there is good enough for me).

If the Wrecking Crew of Brown and Brown have their way, I could be telling this group of people, who've become a second family, goodbye as soon as December. I'm not sure where we'll all end up, but for now...I'm glad we're together.

Rush - Nobody's Hero Ghost Rider Travels on the Healing Road

When I heard you were gone, I felt a shadow cross my heart.

Chapter 6 of Ghost Rider, by Neil Peart, left one with a feeling of melancholy, as we read about Neil's continued spiral into loneliness, and although his travels take him to more populace areas within the United States, the feeling of not connecting grows stronger.

To top it off, Neil's best friend, Brutus, caught trafficking drugs lands in jail. This incident becomes a tremendous set back for Neil as he was supposed to meet Brutus in a few days for some companionship.

We also discover that Neil clamors over writers of long ago, such as Jack London and Scott Fitzgerald. When visiting London's old homestead, he acknowledges the futility of death, "They (London and his wife Charmian) loved each other, did cool stuff together, but that didn't keep him alive. Or her, for that matter, though she lived on alone for many years."

We recognize that the quote doesn't just describe London, but it foreshadows Neil's possible future...a very long life, alone without Jackie.

I chose just to do some simple journal writing with the students of West Texas State School. A basic question, "What happened in Chapter 6 that caused Neil to suddenly become sad." The answer, Brutus gets locked up. The question that required some thought, "Do you agree with Neil that the world is a sad, sad place?" Explain.

I got varied responses for the second question, but one reflective response stood out among the rest, "How can you measure the sadness of the world? His sadness comes from his experience, but I don't feel that the world itself is a sad place. Shit happens, and then you deal with it. If you choose to shut down and give up, then you might as well just die, what's the point to continue on in your sadness? I'm locked up, but I got to make the most of it. Maybe I'll just fake it to make it or maybe I'll learn something and change myself, I'm not sure yet."

It Only Takes a Spark to Get a Fire Going

Just a couple more weeks until the boys of summer are out of school. I've enjoyed summer school, and moreover I've sensed that the boys are loving it as well. Sure, there are a few resistant souls and as my boss says, "They're stuck on stupid".

We're still reading Ghost Rider by Neil Peart, the drummer from Rush, but we took a break to TAKS test and credit exam. The education program received glowing reports from Austin today in a management meeting with TYC. There's some resistance to the boys experiencing success, but I can tell you from observing...this whole learning thing; it's catching on.

Some of the boys stand a little taller, shoulders back and a strut to their stride. It's not because of winning a pissing contest, but it's from having accomplished something worthwhile. As these new graduates walk the halls, with that spark in their eye, others are seeing it and catching on fire. That fire smoulders against tarnished dreams and years of apathy and unrest, but slowly the fire is fanned and the red embers glow...soon these sparks spring into an eternal flame.

One by one the boys enter the chambers of education, and ask sheepishly, "What do I need to do?" We smile and with a gleam in our eyes...impart that knowledge fully.

Do you know why most of us love Friday? I'm not going to say ALL of us, because then that would just be making an awful assumption. I'm thinking it's because Friday is named for the Norse goddess Frigg. Frigg was beautiful and kind, wife of the most powerful god, Odin, her job was to oversee love and marriage. And...did you know that 'frig' is a modern coarse euphemism for 'sex'? Friday is just full of goodness.

All kinds of good things happened to me today, on this day of Frigg. First of all, we had a luncheon at my place of employment, West Texas State School. A lady from North Canyon University came to speak with us teachers about furthering our education completely on line. Now, that's cool beans. The university offers a maters in something I've been wanting to do, Curriculum and Instruction with a specialization in technology. Maybe then I can learn how to make a real web page and not pretend like I do when I'm using a Face Book application.

The other really cool part about the master's program, is that the school that employs me will pay for the education. I also found out today, that since I have taught five years now for low income schools, I qualify for partial loan forgiveness.

When I got home today, I was contacted by a really sweet lady, whom I sometimes tutor in regards to using Adobe Creative Suite. I really have never used the program, but for some reason I can just get into something and get it figured out. I'm persistent. Some people find that scary, but others like it. She upgraded from CS2 to CS4. The newspaper uses CS2 and couldn't read the new CS4 files. What a dilemma! I tried talking to my sweet little lady on the phone, about what she could do, but at that point she was so frustrated and full of anxiety that I just had to go over and help her, so I did.

Before going over there, I received a visitor. I guess around town, I've got a reputation for being an animal lover (or maybe I'm just a sucker). A high schooler brought me a baby hawk that he found while cutting grass. I took the toddler in, put it in a box and proceeded to surf the net to find some information on how to take care of the little baby. The information I found most helpful was this:

"If you find a hawk or owl that is on the ground, do not assume that it needs help. If it is standing, alert, and has some feathers, the parents are probably nearby. It may also be learning to hunt by catching ground insects. If it hasn't moved by the next day, then something may be wrong."

I called the high schooler that brought me the hawk and inquired as to where he found it. He informed me that the not so nice lady that he was cutting grass for, made him remove the bird, because she didn't want hawks hanging out on her property. All the information I had read so far, indicated that we should put the bird back, but since the lady wouldn't allow it, I wasn't sure what to do. The continued reading revealed you had to know the species and be very careful. I did the only thing I could...call an expert. So, now the baby hawk is in the most capable hands of an ex park ranger and being very well taken care of.

Preferential Treatment for being Too Pretty

Toxicity abounds today. I'm worn out by it, I really tried hard to ignore it and use my handy dandy script, but I'm just wearing down too quickly. Maybe it's the heat that's got me all kaddywhompus, I don't know.

Another toxic battle hag at West Texas State School made a comment that the secretary and I get preferential treatment at work because we're "Pretty". Really? Hmm...let me think about that "preferential" treatment.

We're the ones that make sure all the snacks, cakes and ice cream are present at each graduation party, we're the ones that have to clean up after everyone else has gone home, we're the ones that come in on our days off to make sure that everything is in order for when everyone else comes back to work, we're the ones that stay late to pack up all the TAKS stuff, we're the ones that missed part of their lunch today to keep a mob of boys from tearing each other up...geez, I'm thinking I ain't getting no special treatment!

Well, I thanked Ms. Toxic Battle Hag for the lovely compliment and told her that anytime she'd like to give me some preferential treatment for being pretty, that I'd be more than willing to accept. ;)

TAKS Testing, Great Confusion and Even Better Advice

Whew...day one of a four day TAKS testing schedule is complete. Overall, I'm delighted with how the boys performed. They worked hard and stayed focused and now we'll just have to wait a few weeks to get the results. During the TAKS test, the school secretary, whom I blogged about before, (she's the pretty one with the beautiful body) attended a management meeting with TYC (Texas Youth Commission). During the meeting, the problem with graduated students not having a purpose any longer was discussed. The recommendations by TOP BRASS at TYC were this: You guys were hired to take care of them during the day. Don't push the students to graduate, or wait until they get ready to leave and then encourage them to get credits.

Those statements were incredulous. I'm at a loss, really...TEXAS wake up. The state is spending your money to basically baby sit some boys, but they're not really interested in changing their behavior or preparing them for a future that doesn't involve criminal behavior.

AND why should they? Repeat offenders keeps places like TYC open and political favors coming in. Political favors was mentioned quite a few times today. Makes you wonder...does anyone do anything anymore with a clear conscience?

Failed Early Morning Run and SCANDAL in West Texas

I related yesterday that I was going to rise an extra thirty minutes before my usual time for a brisk run before heading off to work. That didn't come to fruition, but instead I hit the snooze button about 3 times. Work at the West Texas State School was exhausting today, because I'd been gone for a week. I forgot conveniently how taxing the boys can be and how they demand so much of my attention. This week is extremely important, we have 9 young men preparing to take their TAKS EXIT LEVEL TESTS. In the state of Texas, one must pass these tests, even if they have the required amount of credits, to graduate from high school. These tests are similar to the GED in the fashion that they are both written in English, other than that, the TAKS remains a mighty difficult undertaking.

Before I left for holiday, it was my understanding that the school would remain operating until August of 2010. When August of 2010 rolled around the school has been ordered to close permanently. Well, when I got back to WTSS today, a vicious, nasty rumor had been circulating that said the school was closing at the end August 2009. The rumor had been started by the top guy at the Pyote facility. I believe this to be a direct attack against the employees for several reasons:

1. If the top brass can jump start enough discord and unrest, more people will quit which will leave the school short staffed causing a severe problem which will act as a catalyst to shut the school down early.

2. Apparently, someone has a vested interest in West Texas State School shutting down. Possibly, could there be a monetary incentive to a certain person? A likely transfer to the Galveston facility as their Superintendent once the Pyote School is closed?

3. The education program under Iraan Sheffield ISD has been so much more successful than it ever was under the tutelage of the Texas Youth Commission; in such a short period of time, that after YEARS of inefficiency and corrupt waste a truly successful program would blow the lid off their blatant mismanagement all over the great state of Texas.

Fact: As far as I know, the Pyote location has not graduated a student in the past 5 years. They had a particular young man for FOUR years, and when Iraan took over the education and started the program of intensive direct teaching and computer lab skill mastery, this young man only had 1 credit in Physical Education. After just 11 months, this student has earned 13 credits, earned his GED and is now taking the EXIT LEVEL TAKS TEST. He and 8 others will be testing this week like all other Junior and Senior level students across the great state of Texas.

Once these students graduate, they are no longer enrolled in high school. It seems very strange that after YEARS and YEARS of Texas Youth Commission management, there is NOTHING in place for these graduates. You know what some of them did today? Swept the floor.

Toxic Co-worker at West Texas State School Pyote

I prefer writing about Wink ghosts, fun Roy Orbison weekends and weight eradication via the HCG diet; BUT I must take a moment to reveal a very toxic co-worker at the West Texas State School in Pyote. I've blogged before about toxic people and having scripts ready in advance on how to deal with one...how to become a toxic avenger.

This particular woman (and unfortunately from my experience, most toxic people happen to be women) has a unique way of pulling you into her toxicity. She acts very friendly towards you and everyone, building your trust and confidence in her. She then will start to speak just a tad bit negatively about other people...you know, a not so harmful comment...to gauge your feeling about a particular person. She normally does this when the other person maybe gone for the day, allowing you to feel a bit more comfortable discussing the person that's gone.

Then her plan becomes even more devious, because when the absent person returns to work...Ms. Toxic of West Texas State School will immediately run to said absent person and tell them that "you" can't be trusted. This particular course of events has been occurring all school year and it has become quite tedious to deal with.

About 3 months ago...Ms. Toxic approach myself and another individual, requesting that we document issues that we have with our boss. She went as far as to say that she's doing her best to have him removed from West Texas State School. She must have thought I would fall for this underhanded crap, but I didn't. I stared straight into her eyes and with great purpose stated, "I don't trust you. I expect you to take what ever information you get; to use for your personal advantage, to cause harm to others and to put yourself in a better light with West Texas State School."

Her approaching me ended. I went as far as to inform my boss of her devious plot and warned him that for some reason she has a vendetta against him. We haven't been able to ascertain the reason behind the attacks, but we are clearly aware and on the lookout for sneaky, underhanded, vicious attempts to under mind and discombobulate our staff.
Lately, since her attempts at being underhanded have been thwarted, she's resorted to creating fabrications. Her latest attempt portrayed the school secretary wearing shorts so revealing that you could see her bum! That day, the secretary was wearing a pair of capris...which only reveals your shins and ankles. I think that the reason for this latest attack is because Ms. Toxic is very fat, almost obese even...and the school secretary is very slender and quite pretty...which leads me to believe that Ms. Toxic is extremely envious of the school secretary's good looks and beautiful body.

Totem ~~Rush First Class Saddletramp

I couldn't find a Youtube video of Rush singing and playing Totem, but I did enclose a link so that you can listen to the song.

"I believe in what I see
I believe in what I hear
I believe that what I'm feeling
Changes how the world appears."

Chapter 5 of Ghost Rider explores the idea that due to our beliefs and feelings we shape our experiences. I completely agree with Neil. Take for instance some of the boys I teach at West Texas State School in Pyote...angry young men; their experience takes the shape of disillusionment and hate. His animosity only appears towards stranger, unable to comprehend why him and why not them.

Neil does visit his brother and sister-in-law, and truly enjoys his time with them. He also pays a visit to another couple and comes to the conclusion that solitary hiking can also soothe the soul. He experiences another uncomfortable moment with a flirtatious woman. He gets the feeling that he has an aura of tragedy about him which attracts the opposite sex. During the course of writing a letter to an old friend, Neil realizes that no matter where he goes, he has a sense of having a "deep dark hole" right beside him. He ponders reincarnation when he encounters two seals that follow him on the water, only coming to the conclusion that he's too much of a rational scientist to truly believe. Chapter 5 ends with a strange visit from an owl outside his hotel window. He makes an allusion to Poe's The Raven, and acquires an eerie sensation. He remembered from the Margaret Craven novel, I Heard the Owl Call My Name; that the owl symbolized Death approaching for the one who heard it.

Rush - Marathon West To Alaska at West Texas State School

"From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes"

My hubby and I separated when my daughter was 4 ...she is now almost 9 years old. The first nine months were not so bad, her daddy was only about an hour away and they saw each other every weekend and sometimes during the week. The following summer, her daddy decided to move back to Denver, CO...taking him 14 hours away by car. This distance only made it possible for the two of them to see each other a few times a year, and this took its toll on my little one.

On one of our trips back from Denver, we stopped in Vaughn to fuel up and use the facilities. A man waited with us outside the little girl's room. The door opened slowly and a little girl about my daughter's age emerged and fell immediately into the man's arms. He swooped her up in a loving embrace...I observed my daughter watch this couple and winced with pain...when I saw her tiny eyes become teary. I knew that "they" reminded her of "them".

In chapter 4 of Ghost Rider, Neil experiences grief in the every day occurrences of life. A simple act of a family traveling together, a song or even a particular bird...brings his thoughts to dwell on Jackie and Selena, causing him to remember the "lost ones". Neil has some good moments in chapter 4; his eyes meeting the eyes of a pretty woman and feeling a spark, witnessing a family of black bears and riding down HWY 99.

I'm sure after the grief fades, anger will take it's place. I observed that in my own daughter...self-loathing, despising those around her that had fathers in the picture and utter despair. Neil realizes that it takes time and a recreation of his world for him to be able to do more than just survive.

Rush - Prime Mover - Live 1988 North To Inuvik at West Texas State School

The point of the journey is not to arrive--Anything can happen.

Friday, not only did we finish chapter 3, but we witnessed 2 boys graduate with High School Diplomas. Why is this a big deal? Remember where I work...West Texas State School in Pyote...these boys are living proof of the cycle of poverty, leading to criminal lives spent in and out of prison. Okay, some of them were just in the wrong place at the wrong time...and got real unfortunate, but most have family members who have traveled the same path...taken the same journey and the boys that graduated on Friday...the first in their families.

Neil pulls an excerpt from In a Far Country, by Jack London...basically when a man journeys into a far country, he must change and adapt to his new environment...forgetting his old ways and ideals...reshaping his path, ditching the hardened ruts. This process isn't easy and sometimes hurts, but in order to survive and not die, one much change what's inside.

"You can drive those wheels to the end of the road

You will still find the past

Right behind you."

CARVE AWAY THE STONE, 1996

What a Fool I Used to be Rush Presto, 1990 at West Texas State School

"If I could wave my magic wand
I'd make everything all right

I'm not one to believe in magic
But I sometimes have a second sight
I'm not one with a sense of proportion
When my heart still changes overnight"

The boys and I finished Chapter 2 of Ghost Rider this week and something truly supernatural occurred...the boys wanted to read to each other out loud! One may volunteer, but not everyone in the class...thus showing a genuine interest not only in Neil, but in the music of Rush. Prior to reading chapter 2, I played the above song...asked the boys to listen and then pick any color, words or graphic that came to their mind and express it in their journal. This type of free expression doesn't manifest itself often in these kiddos. Most find themselves alone, involved in gang activity or abused...often I am the first person with whom they will form a positive bond with. We have our ups and downs...I get called bitch often, but upon the day of release...their eyes tear up, give a sheepish smile and hold out their hand out to me...

In chapter 2, Neil relates his desire to be the fool he once was, unfortunately, everything that allowed him to be the fool he was...is gone. Fool doesn't come across with a negative connotation, in this sense Neil merely suggests that not being exposed to extreme pain and unbearable heartbreak allows us to trust openly and fully.

There are some humorous anecdotes, like filling the motorcycle with diesel instead of unleaded...causing the bike to go dead for a few hours...to the maybe hooker treating the young waiter badly on his first day.

Neil continues to share memories; the day Jackie gave him the BMW, his many rides with Brutus and tours with Rush. Neil displays a genuine interest in birds and describes the time on Barbados with Jackie before she dies.

Neil's house is sold in this chapter by his friend Sheila's husband. He was very thankful that these people stepped up and helped him through the tragedy. This experience transformed Neil's idea that 'Life is great, but people suck' to 'Life sucks, but people are great'.

Neil continues to create a world that his baby soul can survive in. He relives the accident taking Selena's young life, rebreathes the memory of Jackie's slow demise and recounts every idiotic thing he's ever done or said. He understands that he lacks forgiveness for others or even himself.

"Fortune is random --- fate shoots from the hip

I know you get crazy, but try not to lose your grip"

Neurotica, 1991

Embracing Change in West Texas

Endings signal new beginnings

It's appropriate and ironic that my post about change is occurring simultaneously with a possible major life changing event.

Previously I posted about taking risks and mentioned that I stepped out of my comfort zone and accepted a position with West Texas State School; for those who are not familiar with this school, it is a correctional facility for boys. Throughout the school year...I've experienced tons of changes; I had to develop a persona that allowed me to function within this new setting. Trial and error were my best and closest friends; over all...I maintained and continued on.

Today, I found out that the Texas state senate has ordered the closing of West TX State School as well as Victory Fields. No big deal, right...I can just hop over to the next little town and teach there.

I knew that the winds of change were coming...as quoted from a dear friend of mine...and I don't just want to move onto the next little school. We tend to think that during change we are losing stuff, that it subtracts something from us. We cling desperately to what we think is our life line...when maybe, the true life line is out there and we have to let go in order to grasp our saving coil.

I was going to post about something in my past and how I was able to undergo changes, but since I am now experiencing a major life change...get ready for the journey!