Making It Real...Setting and Achieving Goals (Even in Wink, TX)

I read a book recently that stated this: "The most successful people have their goals written down, and they review them every single day." For some reason, I just don't believe that. Sure, I think you should write down your goals, give yourself a purpose and something to shoot for, but come on...you're that forgetful that you'd actually have to look at them every single day? I think not.

Scribing your goals to paper does two things: You're making a commitment and you'll be more in tune when opportunities come along that help you achieve your goal. There's no mystery...no fortuitous blessing...no ancient secret passed down through the generations; just good old common sense.

Recently one of my friends in Wink, Texas inquired about 2012. "Is the world really coming to an end?" I'm exhausted with this, and since I'm a preacher's daughter...people assume that I have the in. I responded that it is only the end of the Mayan Calendar, that I'm sure someone in America is brilliant enough to create a calendar that proceeds past Dec. 21, 2012. In fact, I believe the calendar in my kitchen extends to the year 2014...I assured her that we were all safe.

I mentioned the 2012 thing because there are a few people in Wink that I know who are actually buying into the notion that the world will end in 2012. They've cashed in their retirements and are going willy nilly. I asked, "What if it's not the end?" Their response, "Oh, but I have to have faith that it will be the end." It's too bad that they're not willing to have faith in the continuance of life.

I'm going to assign these 2012 doom predictors as toxic people. They're surely negative, expecting the worst to happen...truly fatalistic. As for me...I will continue to push forward with my goals. I made several down here in little ole Wink, TX. I concentrated on two aspects: Physical and Career. My first was to be in the best physical shape of my adult life by the time I turn 40 (that's in about 3 months). My second goal was to figure out what I wanted to pursue a master's in and then get after it.

I'm well on my way to accomplishing both goals. Next time, I'll let you in on the test I've made to prove that these goals were truly mine and worthy. Some of your goals won't pass this test, and that's okay...what that reveals is they weren't your goals...they were expectations that others had of you.

Milestone Becomes a Commitment to Change in Wink Texas

The final stage of change is commitment. When you turn commitment into a milestone, it becomes a memorial to the whole process of change. This is when you get to look back and see what you've accomplished or see how far you've come on the journey.

I live in Wink home of the Roy Orbison Festival, and I love my little house. Last summer the kids and I planted 11 trees, tore down an old cattle guard that was posing as a fence, created a fire pit on the empty side lot, found big rocks and painted them different colors to line the pit, made a totem pole out of the old standing utility pole on the lot, and repainted the kitchen. We put a lot of time and effort into the house and have come to be very proud of it...not because it's the biggest and prettiest house in the neighborhood, but because we've made a commitment to invest in our home. Change is uncomfortable, but if you manage it well the change becomes the victory you can celebrate.

Explore The Possibilities of Change in Golden Colorado

The third stage of change is exploration. This translates into Milestone #3...find possibility. Milestone #3 transforms indecision into creativity and vasts amount of energy. In my situation, when I was pressed with the possibility of having to find a new job, I was offered the opportunity to continue my education on the house. That means that I have funding to get a masters! If I had been resistant to change then this opportunity wouldn't have arose.

Whatever situation I'm faced with, I will always state clear goals and find the most efficient path. I knew back in 1996 that I wanted to leave New Orleans. I was newly divorced with a child of 3 1/2 and I decided the two of us needed a change. Why Colorado? Well, when I went out there with a friend for Spring Break, this will sound pretty silly, but it was the very first time I had ever seen the mountains.

You know that song...purple mountain majesty? There they were, standing majestic and purple in front of me...my mouth fell open, eyes filled with tears...at that moment those ancient grand mountains beckoned to me. I had to answer the call. Within 3 months, I resigned from my job, packed all my belongings into a U-Haul truck and headed to Colorado. I didn't have a job or even a place to live.

I stayed in a hotel room for a week...I was running out of time. I contacted a house renters association and this lady brought me from place to place. Nothing felt right and in the meantime, I set up an interview with a DME company for a billing position. After the interview, I picked up a paper and looked through the rental classifieds. An add stood out...2 bedroom home in Golden, fenced back yard, playhouse...that was it. Yes, it was more than I wanted to pay, but when I pulled up into the driveway of that sweet little house...I knew that this was where Justin and I would begin our lives in Colorado.

Empower Yourself to Resist Resistance

Stage 2 of change is resistance. This is when I push back and say "no, I can't do this or I won't do this!" I have the hardest time with this, because I don't like feeling out of control. I know the catalyst for my persistence in maintaining control comes from childhood. My mother was extremely strict and controlled every aspect of my life...never giving me an opportunity to make decisions. This experience also hampered my ability in adulthood to make sound decisions and choices, sometimes I just didn't know how to say no or I always looked to those around me for guidance. It's okay to reach out for assistance and have sounding boards to bounce ideas off of, but don't go overboard with it. You know you better than anyone else, you know what works for you.

My friend Lara just listened to an inspirational speaker that said not to pursue happiness, but instead seek success and with success comes happiness.

Milestone 2: Empower Yourself and Others
I changed resistance into empowerment. I stopped being a victim, acting as if all these things were being done to me. I would often say, "hey, can't the BIG GUY stop picking on me? I've had enough..."

I do have to recognize the emotions inside of change and allow for time to acknowledge them. I can't control what happens, but I can control my reactions. My response to change can effect the outcome. I learned to ask questions and listened carefully to the answers. I focused on the things that I can control. I identified the things that can make me successful.

In the middle of my job search, I found out that we've, West Texas State School in Pyote, Texas, been given a year reprieve. This is great, because now I can teach summer school and bring in the extra money I needed to take care of a few things. These things include small items like a new dryer, because mine squeaks and howls like a banshee to bigger items like paying for my divorce. The divorce, a thorny thistle wood, has lingered on for four and half years, but finally I'll have the power to hire an attorney and get er done!

Although the school will be open for another year, I've decided that if I get the position at the elementary in Wink, I will accept the job. The reason being, it's stable, I won't have to go through the stress of wondering if the state school will stay open and my son will graduate from Wink. I love working with the boys at the prison, but the stability of my own family must take precedent.

What Am I Clinging To?

William Bridges, in his book Managing Transitions, shares that inside of every change there is an ending, middle, and beginning. You have to let go first which causes us to feel a loss. I'm feeling that right now. Sure, I've been wanting to get out of DODGE for quite some time, but I wanted to do it in my own time...now I'm forced to make that transition right now...not three years down the road like I had planned.

Today I spent 9 hours online applying for every opening available. The problem is this...there are actually plenty of teaching jobs; which means hundreds of possible locations. I'm having trouble deciding in which direction I go. I have at least figured out that I don't want to go West, so right now...I'm looking East. I've also concluded that I will stay in Texas.

I experienced a feeling of being overwhelmed today; what do I do with my house? Do I sell it or rent it? My son doesn't want to leave; he's begging to stay in Wink with a friend. I completely understand the way he feels...I moved in my Junior year, thank goodness a transplant from Kermit made me feel at home. Where will I go? How do I pay for all the expenses? Should I leave the kids with my mom and dad and then move them up later? The questions go on and on.

The irony is that a few months ago, after being contacted by a long lost love, I contemplated and even considered moving out to where he lives. After things cooled down...and the reality of changing everything settled in...I adamantly refused to leave. Of course, by not attempting to build that relationship and giving serious thought to moving...I crushed any hope of rekindling the romance. It's ironic because originally, the plan was that when the school year was over...I was selling the house, moving to "that place" where I would have some sort of support system. Now, I'm selling the house, moving to "unknown place" where I will not have a support system. Hmmm...lesson learned...give things a chance, make room for change, accept love willingly and for heaven sakes don't turn away open arms.

It's time for a new beginning. The stages of accepting change are just about the same as the stages of accepting death. First, I was definitely in DENIAL. "I can't believe this is happening." Well, I had better believe it and be prepared for the next stage, RESISTANCE. I resisted because I felt out of control; I was completely exhausted today and disoriented. The next step is EXPLORATION. This is when I'll see the positives and imagine the possibilities. I'm not there yet, but I will be. The final stage is COMMITMENT. This is when I embrace the change.

Next time, I'll demonstrate how I'll take the stages of change and turn them into milestones, which allows me to actually control the process, move forward, and remain powerful.

Embracing Change in West Texas

Endings signal new beginnings

It's appropriate and ironic that my post about change is occurring simultaneously with a possible major life changing event.

Previously I posted about taking risks and mentioned that I stepped out of my comfort zone and accepted a position with West Texas State School; for those who are not familiar with this school, it is a correctional facility for boys. Throughout the school year...I've experienced tons of changes; I had to develop a persona that allowed me to function within this new setting. Trial and error were my best and closest friends; over all...I maintained and continued on.

Today, I found out that the Texas state senate has ordered the closing of West TX State School as well as Victory Fields. No big deal, right...I can just hop over to the next little town and teach there.

I knew that the winds of change were coming...as quoted from a dear friend of mine...and I don't just want to move onto the next little school. We tend to think that during change we are losing stuff, that it subtracts something from us. We cling desperately to what we think is our life line...when maybe, the true life line is out there and we have to let go in order to grasp our saving coil.

I was going to post about something in my past and how I was able to undergo changes, but since I am now experiencing a major life change...get ready for the journey!