Friday, May 1, 2009

Toxic Alliances in Wink Texas

Sometimes we must end relationships that are toxic or dangerous which can be very painful and difficult. Staying in a toxic relationship can derail you, paralyze you, rob your integrity and even your happiness.

We don't choose to align ourselves with toxic people on purpose, but at times we passively accept their behavior. Which means we endorse it by default.

There are basically two groups of people in this world, those who give us encouragement and those who suck the life right out of us! We can have bad days where normally we would be uplifting and encouraging, but find ourselves struggling just to smile, so that doesn't count. These life draining people; I've read about and have experienced first hand. In of my readings, I found that they were called physic vampires.

At work these people look like this: "argue incessantly, debate trivial points, gossip, terrorize meetings, whine, draw others into negative conversations and manage the rumor mill"

In life these people look like this: "criticize, attack, divide, they insinuate things and then leave you wondering, they love exposing your weaknesses to the world, they use sarcasm, twist the truth and cross the line of integrity"

Ask yourself these questions to see if you may be involved in a toxic relationship:

1. Is there anyone planting negative, critical beliefs into your life right now? When you are with this person, how do you feel?

2. Is there a relationship in your life that is pulling you backward, blocking your growth, and undermining your progress? What is that costing you?

3. Is there a relationship marked by broken trust, unresolved conflict, and destructive communication? How much of your strength are you giving to this?

4. Is there someone in your life who compromises your boundaries or ethics? What impact is that having?

5. Are there behaviors you are passively endorsing to avoid conflict? What do you risk with your silence?

Sometimes I held onto toxic relationships because I got something from it. You're wondering what could I have gotten? In one instance my grievances were validated. Another time I stuck around because of loyalty. I didn't want to abandon or hurt this person so I stayed. I only became weaker. A big mistake is to try and diagnose their problem...don't do it! You'll get sucked into their weird dysfunction!

Next post, I'll show you the scripts and ground rules I've created in order to deal with some of the toxic relationships that were in my life. These rules and scripts are new for me, I've only worked with them for a few months, but it has changed my life!


Durango said...

Geez, we think alike way too much. I long ago, after being traumatized last summer in Tacoma by toxic people, blogged about it.

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

I just found your comment and went and read your blog...amazing! Who knew?