Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Handy Dandy Anti-Toxic Scripts

I know I told you that I would share my scripts when dealing with my toxic neighbors, co-workers...and it's just really about accepting people for who they are. For instance, if you "know" that Jane is irritable and her favorite past time is making lewd comments about everyone she sees...then if you "know" this about her...why should you expect her to act any differently? Basically, the only thing that I'm going to be able to do with Jane...is teach her how to treat me or don't spend any time with her.

Someone makes a sarcastic comment to you about you
response: "I think I hear some feedback in there somewhere. Is there something you're trying to tell me?"

Someone gossips about another person to you
response: "I would feel horrible if someone said that about me."

Someone who constantly whines and complains to you
response: "What can you do to make this better? What pieces of the problem do you control?"

When creating your handy dandy anti-toxic scripts, remember to use "I" statements...that way you're letting the toxic culprit know exactly what you expect from them. Sometimes it's just a toxic behavior that you're trying to squash...not the person.

As you assess the relationships in your life, you can decide how to deal with toxic behaviors or people. Remember, this is not about changing a person...we don't get to do that. The goal is to manage our responses, protect what we value, and create highly functional relationships.

Now go out and become a TOXIC AVENGER!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer