Friday, May 22, 2009

Empower Yourself to Resist Resistance

Stage 2 of change is resistance. This is when I push back and say "no, I can't do this or I won't do this!" I have the hardest time with this, because I don't like feeling out of control. I know the catalyst for my persistence in maintaining control comes from childhood. My mother was extremely strict and controlled every aspect of my life...never giving me an opportunity to make decisions. This experience also hampered my ability in adulthood to make sound decisions and choices, sometimes I just didn't know how to say no or I always looked to those around me for guidance. It's okay to reach out for assistance and have sounding boards to bounce ideas off of, but don't go overboard with it. You know you better than anyone else, you know what works for you.

My friend Lara just listened to an inspirational speaker that said not to pursue happiness, but instead seek success and with success comes happiness.

Milestone 2: Empower Yourself and Others
I changed resistance into empowerment. I stopped being a victim, acting as if all these things were being done to me. I would often say, "hey, can't the BIG GUY stop picking on me? I've had enough..."

I do have to recognize the emotions inside of change and allow for time to acknowledge them. I can't control what happens, but I can control my reactions. My response to change can effect the outcome. I learned to ask questions and listened carefully to the answers. I focused on the things that I can control. I identified the things that can make me successful.

In the middle of my job search, I found out that we've, West Texas State School in Pyote, Texas, been given a year reprieve. This is great, because now I can teach summer school and bring in the extra money I needed to take care of a few things. These things include small items like a new dryer, because mine squeaks and howls like a banshee to bigger items like paying for my divorce. The divorce, a thorny thistle wood, has lingered on for four and half years, but finally I'll have the power to hire an attorney and get er done!

Although the school will be open for another year, I've decided that if I get the position at the elementary in Wink, I will accept the job. The reason being, it's stable, I won't have to go through the stress of wondering if the state school will stay open and my son will graduate from Wink. I love working with the boys at the prison, but the stability of my own family must take precedent.

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