Saturday, May 9, 2009

What Am I Clinging To?

William Bridges, in his book Managing Transitions, shares that inside of every change there is an ending, middle, and beginning. You have to let go first which causes us to feel a loss. I'm feeling that right now. Sure, I've been wanting to get out of DODGE for quite some time, but I wanted to do it in my own I'm forced to make that transition right now...not three years down the road like I had planned.

Today I spent 9 hours online applying for every opening available. The problem is this...there are actually plenty of teaching jobs; which means hundreds of possible locations. I'm having trouble deciding in which direction I go. I have at least figured out that I don't want to go West, so right now...I'm looking East. I've also concluded that I will stay in Texas.

I experienced a feeling of being overwhelmed today; what do I do with my house? Do I sell it or rent it? My son doesn't want to leave; he's begging to stay in Wink with a friend. I completely understand the way he feels...I moved in my Junior year, thank goodness a transplant from Kermit made me feel at home. Where will I go? How do I pay for all the expenses? Should I leave the kids with my mom and dad and then move them up later? The questions go on and on.

The irony is that a few months ago, after being contacted by a long lost love, I contemplated and even considered moving out to where he lives. After things cooled down...and the reality of changing everything settled in...I adamantly refused to leave. Of course, by not attempting to build that relationship and giving serious thought to moving...I crushed any hope of rekindling the romance. It's ironic because originally, the plan was that when the school year was over...I was selling the house, moving to "that place" where I would have some sort of support system. Now, I'm selling the house, moving to "unknown place" where I will not have a support system. Hmmm...lesson learned...give things a chance, make room for change, accept love willingly and for heaven sakes don't turn away open arms.

It's time for a new beginning. The stages of accepting change are just about the same as the stages of accepting death. First, I was definitely in DENIAL. "I can't believe this is happening." Well, I had better believe it and be prepared for the next stage, RESISTANCE. I resisted because I felt out of control; I was completely exhausted today and disoriented. The next step is EXPLORATION. This is when I'll see the positives and imagine the possibilities. I'm not there yet, but I will be. The final stage is COMMITMENT. This is when I embrace the change.

Next time, I'll demonstrate how I'll take the stages of change and turn them into milestones, which allows me to actually control the process, move forward, and remain powerful.

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