The Kaiser's Talk To Hell
The Kaiser called the devil up
On the telephone one day
The girl at central listened
To all they had to say.
"Hello". She heard the Kaiser say,
Is old man Satan home?
Just tell him it is Kaiser Bill,
That wants him on the phone.
The devil said, "Hello" to Bill
and said "How are you?"
I'm running a hell here on earth
Now tell me what to do.
"What can I do" the devil said,
"My dear old Kaiser Bill,
If there's a thing that I can do,
To help you sure I will
The Kaiser said, "Now Listen
And I will try to tell
The way that I am running things
on earth a modern hell.
I've saved for this for many years
And I've started out to kill,
That it will be a modern job
You leave to Kaiser Bill
My army went thru Belgium
Shooting women and children down,
We tore up all her country
And blowed up every town.
My Zepps dropped bombs on Cities,
Killing both the old and young
And those the Zepplins didn't get
Were taken out and hung.
I started out for Paris,
With the aid of poisonous gas,
The Belgians, Darn them, stopped us
And would not let us pass.
My submarines are devils,
Why you should see them fight,
They go sneaking thru the sea
And will sink a ship at sight.
I was running things to suit me
Till a year or so ago,
Then a man called "Woodrow Wilson,
Wrote me to go slow.
He says to me, Dear William,
We don't want to make you sore
So be sure to tell your U-Boats,
To sink our boats no more.
We have told you for the last time,
So dear Bill its up to you,
And if you do not stop it
You'll have to fight us too.
I did not listen to him.
And he's coming after me,
With a million Yankee Sailors
From their home across the sea.
Now, that's why I called you Satan,
For I want advice from you
I know that you will tell me,
Just what I ought to do.
My dear old Kaiser William,
There's not much for me to tell
For the Yanks will make it hotter,
Than I ever could in Hell.
I've been a mean old devil
But not half as mean as you,
And the minute that you get here,
I will give the job to you.
I'll be ready for your coming,
And I'll keep the fires all bright
And I'll have your room all ready,
When the Yanks begin to fight.
For the boys in blue will get you,
I have nothing more to tell,
Hang up the phone and get your hat,
And meet me here in HELL.
D.F. Boliver
The Kaiser called the devil up
On the telephone one day
The girl at central listened
To all they had to say.
"Hello". She heard the Kaiser say,
Is old man Satan home?
Just tell him it is Kaiser Bill,
That wants him on the phone.
The devil said, "Hello" to Bill
and said "How are you?"
I'm running a hell here on earth
Now tell me what to do.
"What can I do" the devil said,
"My dear old Kaiser Bill,
If there's a thing that I can do,
To help you sure I will
The Kaiser said, "Now Listen
And I will try to tell
The way that I am running things
on earth a modern hell.
I've saved for this for many years
And I've started out to kill,
That it will be a modern job
You leave to Kaiser Bill
My army went thru Belgium
Shooting women and children down,
We tore up all her country
And blowed up every town.
My Zepps dropped bombs on Cities,
Killing both the old and young
And those the Zepplins didn't get
Were taken out and hung.
I started out for Paris,
With the aid of poisonous gas,
The Belgians, Darn them, stopped us
And would not let us pass.
My submarines are devils,
Why you should see them fight,
They go sneaking thru the sea
And will sink a ship at sight.
I was running things to suit me
Till a year or so ago,
Then a man called "Woodrow Wilson,
Wrote me to go slow.
He says to me, Dear William,
We don't want to make you sore
So be sure to tell your U-Boats,
To sink our boats no more.
We have told you for the last time,
So dear Bill its up to you,
And if you do not stop it
You'll have to fight us too.
I did not listen to him.
And he's coming after me,
With a million Yankee Sailors
From their home across the sea.
Now, that's why I called you Satan,
For I want advice from you
I know that you will tell me,
Just what I ought to do.
My dear old Kaiser William,
There's not much for me to tell
For the Yanks will make it hotter,
Than I ever could in Hell.
I've been a mean old devil
But not half as mean as you,
And the minute that you get here,
I will give the job to you.
I'll be ready for your coming,
And I'll keep the fires all bright
And I'll have your room all ready,
When the Yanks begin to fight.
For the boys in blue will get you,
I have nothing more to tell,
Hang up the phone and get your hat,
And meet me here in HELL.
D.F. Boliver
7 comments:
Hi there, I don't know you, but I found you by googling the words of this poem that my mom (who is 78yo) was
reciting from memory just 3 days ago!! Odd timing aye? So this is an old old writing of some kind! I think my mom
said it was from her childhood as well! Anyway... Not an original from your relative probably since it was something my mom memorized as a child growing up in eastern Canada.
The poem appeared in two publications that I could find on line...The credited author was "Somewhere in America" and the other referenced W.E. Curry Safety Hints. My Great Great Grandfather would be 120 today, about 40 years older than your mom... He joined up in 1916-17, around the age of 26, and fought with the British since the US had not entered the war yet, well, at least with troops.
I am so excited to be linked to your blog. I have been trying to find a copy of this poem that my grandfather recited to me by memory when I was a young girl. I do not know the author either, but just wanted to find a printed copy since I could only remember bits and pieces of it! Pappaw Scott was born in 1910, only went to school thru 5th grade, raised in Indiana, Oklahoma and TX, so he learned this poem at an early age, but thrilled us when he recited it to us at the age of 75! I know that an Irish poet named AManda McKittrick Ros has a poem entitled Kaiser Bill in her bibliography, but could not find the actual poem itself. Thanks for sharing this - have been looking for this for YEARS!!!
My Great Grandfather also used to live in Indiana and after coming out of the war went to Mississippi. I just knew I had to post the poem regardless of who wrote...it's a piece of history!
I was going through some antiques I had in my storage and I found the poem typed on a piece of paper. It was very interesting, and I hope to find more on the Poem.
Please! If you find out more about the poem, come back and let us know! Several people have inquired!
Thanks,
Cheap Tricks
My Mama, born in 1903, recited this poem to her 14 kids. The story is that during WW1 a bunch of soldiers (maybe Marines) were sitting in a tent and through joint effort composed this poem. Her brother was one of the men.
Today, at lunch, my 66 year old brother recited it (almost complete) to us remaining nine sigelings. What a thrill to find it on the internet. Amazing.
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