The Pygmalion Effect

My Fair Lady, a truly wonderful musical second to Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, has a quote from Eliza that stirs my soul. She makes this comment to Pickering, the professor's friend: "You see, really and truly, apart from the things anyone can pick up (the dressing and the proper way of speaking, and so on), the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she's treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treat me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will."

I touched on this phenomenon just the other day. Countless times each day we communicate our expectations to the people around us. I know that without realizing it, I've sent cues to others about what I expect from them. I think I got real messed up when I had started listening to this talk show on my way to and from work everyday. I listened to Dr. Laura and took to heart what she said about everything. She basically said we have no way of changing anyone around us. For the most part that's true, but her fatal flaw in her prescription was also stating that we just have to accept the behavior if we want to continue to have a relationship with these people. I disagree.

I believe that our expectations can shape behavior, if this weren't the case, wouldn't we just all let our kids do whatever they want? I mean, we do have expectations and we give our children feedback. Why not do this with the adults in our lives as well? Sometimes putting the expectations out there may end the relationship, and that's probably a good thing.

Just recently, a person in my life changed some travel plans which caused hers to overlap with mine and thus not allowing my child to participate in her planned activity. The same thing happened last year and I was forced to choose instead of being able to participate in both events. I had a feeling that the same thing might happen again. So, I should have said when I found out about her trip and when it was planned; "Okay, you told me you're leaving on this date. I've marked it on the calendar. I'm planning my own trip on this date. You know when it is and when I'm coming back. If you change your date, and it interferes with my plans, please don't get upset and demand that I change the date of my trip or cut my trip short."

Then I began to wonder if, because I expected the possibility of a repeat performance...did I cause her to behave this way? Did my poor communication with this person lock her into poor performance? I truly believe that our expectations gets us exactly what we get. That's something to ponder...

A Flower Garden Takes Time to Grow and So Must Seeds of Hope

When I lived in Colorado the climate was perfect for Spring flowers. I truly desired an enormous flower garden with fountains, butterflies and splashes of color. Now that I live in a harsh dry environment, it's nearly impossible to grow anything supple and vibrant with color. It takes a lot of patience, constant care and hope.

Seeds, with tender care and nourishment will grow into wonderful flowers. Our lives are just like those seeds, they need to be nurtured and cared for. Words can be used to build, to empower, to protect, to promote and to prosper, but words can also cripple and destroy us and others. It's not enough to just stop being negative, we also should try to be positive.

I used to think that being abrupt and blunt, was just straightforward honesty. I appreciated the frankness and refreshing truthfulness in some people. Sometimes, I find it extremely difficult to remain positive and to respond in a polite manner. Imagine though, that every word is a seed that will produce what it is. Seeds of hope, produce hope. Seeds of discouragement, produce discouragement.

I remember things that were hurtfully spoken to me as a child. Although it's been many years ago, those words still tug at my heart and make me feel a bit of a twinge. Words do have a tremendous amount of power that work beyond the first time they are spoken. I haven't always been successful in speaking kind words, sometimes I've been hurtful with my words also. I've adopted a principle that I truly try to follow:

Never say anything about yourself or another that you do not sincerely want to be true. Speak life and hope.

Sometimes we accidentally reinforce what is negative or ineffective in another person. I recently had a slight tiff with a person in my life. Experience with this person has taught me to expect bad behavior. I've been using the direct approach and being calm and rational, but have I been reinforcing this person's bad behavior? How can I reinforce the behavior I want? Maybe my script to deal with this person should of went something more like this:

"I understand you're disappointed with my choice, but I know that you love me and wouldn't intentionally try to hurt me or my family. Just like you know the things that I do aren't intended to hurt you. I'm sure that your change in plans weren't done with the purpose of overlapping with mine, but they have. Maybe in the future you could prepare ahead of time so that our plans don't interfere with each other. That way my children can participate in the activities you have planned."

Theme From Twin Peaks by Queen Kong

Feeling A Bit Nostalgic For My Daddy& His Lullabye To His Baby Girl

The Vietnam War, or conflict if you're being politically correct; sent many man faraway from home, my daddy was not an exception. Luckily for him and me...he served his tour in Frankfurt, Germany. Mommy and I went with daddy to Frankfurt, I was only 6 months old at the time, but I've heard plenty of great stories from daddy.

I've bragged about the running ability of my eldest, he gets that talent from my daddy's side of the family. My uncle Jimmy and 3 others took the Mississippi state relays back in the 50s...I've been told that Uncle Jimmy could run a mile right at 4 minutes. I tell you this because of an endearing story my father told regarding guard duty one night. He didn't get along with one of his commanding officers and was assigned the dreaded guard duty. Daddy made a plan to confuse and con fuddle the commanding officer. There were four check in points along the route with some distance in between, daddy schemed that he could run from each check in point, cutting across fields and be at each and every point as the dreaded commanding officer arrived.

As daddy relates this story, there's a gleam in his eye and a mischevious grin. First check point, daddy salutes the officer and sends him on his way. Daddy dropped his pack and took off running for the next point. He made it there in plenty of time, before the CO arrived. Daddy saluted the CO. The CO took a second glance, but continued on his rounds. Then daddy took off for the next check in point. Daddy made it to that one before the CO and was standing at attention saluting when the CO arrived. The CO was pretty certain that he had seen Mohler previously, and hesistated. "Mohler, weren't you at the last check point?" "No, sir!" responded my daddy. The confusion was definitely setting in. By this time, daddy, hysterical in the process of story telling, is having a hard time sputtering out the rest. You guessed it, daddy did make it to the final check point just seconds before the CO arrived. Daddy said the CO couldn't even salute him...he was so miffed that he just motioned for the driver to move one.

As Father's Day approaches, I'm often reminded of the good naturedness of my own daddy and know without a shadow of a doubt...I love him very much. The above song was the only version I could find...Daddy used to sing this lullabye to me.

Wink...The New Twin Peaks?

It's been suggested that Wink is the small dusty desert version of Twin Peaks. This all came about from the retelling of an unusual dream shared between myself and my brother. My brother posted a comment about the dream, restating it as much as he could remember. Right after he made the comment, and right after I posted his email to me...his computer crashed. Was this just a mere coincidence? OR a warning?

I talked to him a few mintues ago...he was able to use Vista and capture a previous restore point. Once he got the computer working again, he went down to the local Walmart and purchased a super duper Anti-virus program. He was very proud of himself that he got the computer working again.

He said the last thing he did last night before the computer crashed was post the comment about the dream...then he asked if I thought that had anything to do with it? I reassured him that others had posted to my blog without a problem, that surely he didn't catch the virus from me? He said, "No, you don't get it...do you think because we talked about the dream...that's what caused it?"

I laughed, and said, "Surely, not!" In the background you could hear his wife saying, "It's happened again! The computer isn't working."

Family Road Trip to Dinosaur Valley, Fossil Rim and Joy Land

This is the day before the legendary family road trip, I'm thinking we'll be on the road for about 14 hours in three days. That's not bad, considering we've done 14 hours in two days traveling out to Las Vegas, New Mexico.

I did some map questing and have found the route I'm likely to take. I-20 East, exit 380 to FM Road 4, get on HWY 281 to FM Road 2481 and finally hit 205. It seems a bit confusing, but as long as I'm in the general area I should be able to find it. Anywho, I like stopping and asking for directions, gives me a chance to meet the locals and contribute to the local economy.

The idea to visit Fossil Rim came from reading Durango's blog. This is a perfect get away for us, my daughter considers herself to be the premier animal whisperer. She's always rescuing stray animals, watching the Animal Planet, making bird's nests from Willow branches, bathing our cats and dogs, and even making custom outfits for our dog, Shelby.

Dinosaur Valley will also be a treat for us, because that's another hobby that my daughter and I share. I used to collect rocks, arrow heads and dream of finding dinosaur tracks; brushing away the dirt to reveal the hidden treasure. She has followed in my footsteps and finds these things interesting as well.

And the teenager? Well, since he's gotten his driving permit, he's excited about getting to drive! I'm sure that once we get there he'll find something to interest him, maybe like the local girls. I know that he likes Joy Land.

Testing...1,2,3

Is this thing on?

Moi, A Man Hater...I Think Not

Recently, I was accused of being a man hater and that I needed to seek counseling for my problem. To which I replied, "I'm a woman, I like men. If that means I'm not "lady-like", then I guess I'm just not a lady! At least I'm honest." That is actually a quote from a favorite movie of mine, Tombstone.
Josephine said that to Wyatt, because he thought she was different. Wyatt was intrigued by Josephine because she was an independent woman, self-sufficient, exuberant, and full of life. Her happiness and joy came from within herself; and although she made many mistakes, she intended on having a full and complete life without the usual constraints of most women from her time. Josephine was a beautiful woman and did what she had to in order to survive. While some were vexed by her independent, honest and abrupt behavior, others were clearly mesmerized:

"She was a woman who was ornery and frustrating to some but fun loving and thoughtful to others. She exhibited a dependency toward gambling and displayed a habit of wrapping hundred dollar bills in rolls of toilet paper but, despite her oddities, she was a woman with whom Wyatt Earp chose to spend over 47 years."


Josephine is featured in the book, Women of the Western Frontier in Fact, Fiction and Film. She made many mistakes throughout her life, some will even state that she and Wyatt weren't happy all the time, and there are questions of validity of pictures that are supposed to be her, but the gist of it all is this; I am not bound or inhibited by what I am. I will grow to my full human capacity. Every path will be open to me and I will not apologize for my strengths.

Finally, a quote and poem from my favorite author:

"Strong women- precious jewels all- their humanness is evident in their accessibility. We are able to enter into the spirit of these women and rejoice in their warmth and courage."

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Wink Texas Ghostly Tales Continue

I mentioned in a comment to Durango that something even spookier occurred that evening of the Thunder Road excursion. The young lady who bravely sprinkled baby powder also related this story:

"Between the years 1910-1926, Wink, a bustling expanding oil town, experienced a great migration of people wanting to invest and become wealthy. One of those migrates, a young man, his wife and their baby daughter, settled on the outskirts of town on HWY 115. The young family erected a moderate home and the inexperienced business man and father set about the business of growing his wealth. In the
beginning, oil shot through the air, people made money hand over fist, investments reaped plenty." This is where the story becomes a bit convoluted, but this man as well as plenty of others experienced the depression and succumbed to losing his fortune. "Fear and trepidation set in as the man drove home that evening, afraid to tell his wife that they had lost everything. He fatefully decided he couldn't face his family and have them look upon him as the failure he'd become. He arrived home that evening, paused in front of the little house, rested his hand on the tall tree from where the rope swing swayed gently in the breeze. Sweat beaded up on his forehead, rolled slowly into his eyes, blurring his vision momentarily, but the axe finally came into focus. With purpose, he gripped the axe handle, felt the smooth wood and steadily trudged towards the house. Upon entering the homestead, the man set about the grisly business of killing his wife and daughter. Overwhelming grief settled in, and he hung himself from the tree using his daughter's rope swing."

The story continued with, "if you go down that road late at night and you see three owls, the man's disturbed spirit is out seeking revenge." Revenge for what...I wasn't sure, but not only did we see an owl, but a large white cow stood passively in the middle of the road. Our headlights beamed making the cow's eyes glow red. It truly was eerie and all that occurred before the tracks and baby powder.

I returned home that evening, exhausted and still a bit excited from the night's events. Since we just moved to Wink, my little brother and I were sharing a room and a mattress on the floor. He was already asleep as I crawled into the makeshift bed. I had a nightmare and awoke, I looked over to my left and a white figure was sitting up next to me. I covered my head with the blanket and proceeded to scream. I believe my brother was also screaming which caused my parents to come flying down the hallway to our room. Once the lights were turned on, and my parents were able to calm us both, they returned to bed. I laid there next to my younger brother and admitted that I had the strangest dream...a man dressed in white, wielding an axe, entered our room and said that we were not going to get out alive. My brother's eyes widened to large saucers...he said, "I had the same dream."

I know it seems to be an unbelievable story, but my brother and I have discussed it and both of us even today, vividly remember the dream. What is even odder and unfortunate...the young lady who related the story of Thunder Road...took her own life a month before graduation in the year of 1987.

HCG Diet Round 2 Weight Eradication

Previously I posted results from a diet I started about a month or so ago. Today, I checked in with Dr. Anna at the Body Focus Laser and Longevity Center in Midland to get my official results. According to her scales I had eradicated only 14 pounds instead of the 20 I originally thought. She gave me a scornful look and asked if I had followed the diet exactly as I was supposed to. I admitted no, that some days I did eat foods that weren't allowed and that on some days I did eat only the foods that were allowed, but more than 500 calories.

"Miss Joely, you must follow the plan. You did not reset your hypothalamus or get your metabolism jump started."
As she was scolding me, I quietly pondered..."hm, I just finished a big lunch at Red Lobster and had a slice of key lime pie. I'm not weighing in the morning. My shoes are heavier than the ones I wore the first time I weighed in." Dr. Anna continued on with her reprimands, then she measured my BMI (body mass index) and it registered 28%. That measurement put a smile on Dr. Anna's face because my previous BMI was 33%. That's 5% eradication of body mass!

Now we're onto round two of the HCG diet, and I've promised Dr. Anna that I'll be a better dieter and stick with the food plan. I confessed that I have trouble with eating the meat, so she suggested exchanging the meat portions for a boiled egg.

Dr. Anna has mixed feelings about my results, but I'm pleasantly pleased. Today at Target, I grabbed two sizes of capris from the rack. One a size 8 and the other a size 6. I went to the dressing room and tried the 8s first; lots of room in the waist, roomy in the thighs. I then tried on the 6s; snug, but zipped them up...:)