"An event or experience does not have the power to shape our expectations. It is the way we interpret and process the event that does that--how we summarize it, how we tell the story, and what we remember about it."
My husband of nine years has an affair (later I found out several) ...what lessons did I learn?
1. No one can be trusted, no matter what they say or do, they'll always hurt you.
2. People have no qualms with looking you straight in the eye and lying.
3. Once a person has gotten what they want, you're history.
4. I'm not worthy enough.
Do I think I learned the wrong lessons? How do I know if I've learned the wrong lessons? There is an easy test: Wrong lessons take something from you. Right lessons add something to you. According to the book, yes, I most emphatically did learn the wrong lessons!
This is what I should have learned instead:
1. My exhusband can't be trusted...not everyone.
2. My exhusband has no qualms with lying...not everyone.
3. People come into our lives to fulfill certain purposes, they may not be around forever.
4. I'm a good person and worthy of a good relationship.
In every life experience there is something I can learn, especially from my disappointments, failures and setbacks. I have choices about what I take away from my experiences. I can choose to learn what is important.
In retrospect, I realize now that I looked for an implied meaning that wasn't there with my new relationship. Instead of listening to the words that were being said, I attached a connotation derived from my previous experience, thus creating a situation that truly wasn't happening. When in reality, something beautiful was being created. I don't know if all my self-tampering has hindered this relationship, all I can do is regain the hope that it can continue to grow without the negative stigmas I had orignially perceived.