Friday, April 24, 2009
"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I usually don't hold a grudge, even when someone has "done" me wrong and he/she has never asked for forgiveness...I tend to just let it go. I can most assuredly forgive, but sometimes it's hard for me to forget. I've learned that I don't necessarily need to lose all memory, but to take the best lessons from the past. (As I have discussed in a previous post)
I did have a short span of my life that I spent in resentment. It was horrible, living day after day...feeling wronged, hurt and in constant pain. I wanted to blame, blame, blame...but you know, I just couldn't go on any longer. After coming to the realization that it was pointless to be that bitter...my outward resentment turned into inner resentment. I began to criticize myself for being extremely stupid in not getting out of my marriage sooner, for not standing up to an authority figure in my life and for allowing "me" to be buried and lost for so many years.
Inner resentment turned into self-rejection which led to low self-esteem. Do ya see the trail of utter agony? There were times when I thought I was healed, only to find that months or even years later that the wound was not healed...just pushed far back into a locked closet. Little keys would pop up...threatening to open that door and one day the doors flew open, without warning.
I had chosen to forgive, but I left the process unfinished. When you forgive someone...other doors are opened. I let go of my desire to exact revenge against you and I release you from an emotional prison.
My ex-husband used withdrawal or detachment to punish me. I never knew what is was that I had done wrong, but I would immediately try to do everything in my power to make it up to him. I found out...that "this" is pure manipulation! --a form of emotional control. To forgive is to set someone free; it could be you or it could be me.
Forgiveness is a decision and a process. You can control it, it does not depend on the other person's response. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean a path to reconciliation--and it definitely doesn't mean that we go back for more hurt.
Posted by Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths at 9:26 PM