Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Rejecting Rejection Part 1

"People who reject themselves have chronic feelings of unworthiness. What happens on the outside of us is often a clue about what is happening on the inside of us."

Here is a test I took to see if self-rejection is my problem:

1. No matter how hard I work or what I achieve, I could have done better. Yes
2. When others praise me, deep down I don't really believe them. Yes
3. At some level I fear that if people really knew me, they wouldn't accept me. Yes
4. I've done some bad stuff, and I have a difficult time forgiving myself. Yes
5. When good things happen, I often feel undeserving or unworthy. Yes
6. It is easy to give but difficult to accept from others. Yes
7. I spend a lot of time thinking about or worrying about what others think of me. I did
8. It is very important to please others. Yes
9. I worry too much about how I look. Yes
10. I am too sensitive and too easily hurt. Yes
11. I hear the criticism of others even when they insist that was not the intended message. Yes
12. I often feel inferior, inadequate, and out of place. Yes
13. It is hard for me to trust--myself, others, or even God. Yes
14. I feel better when I am in complete control. Yes
15. I tend to dominate situations. No
16. Even though I don't always express it, I often feel critical, frustrated, or angry toward others. Yes
17. I tend to isolate myself from others. YES, YES, YES
18. I often miss the mark, falling short of my own expectations. No
19. I carry around feelings of guilt and shame. Yes

My rejection originates from abuse and criticism. I won't go into details and give you my life history, but it began in childhood and continued in marriage. My self-esteem has always been rock bottom; to protect myself I would push people away. I always thought that this little town I live in has rejected me, but in fact, I've carried myself in such a way that I made myself unapproachable. I built my walls of protection which I thought would insulate me, but instead isolated me.

So, I've identified that I have a problem with self-rejection, how do I fix it?
1. Identify and confront the feelings of rejection.
2. Reject the feelings of rejection.
3. Affirm yourself.

In the next post, I'll identify and confront my feelings of rejection.


Robbie said...

Very Powerful entry...

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

Thanks Robbie, it's not easy admitting it.