Thursday, April 9, 2009

My First Self-Limiting Belief

In all her goodness, my mother hands me a book and casually states, "I know you like to read so I got you this." In all my grumpiness, I smile politely and say thank you. I didn't even bother to read the title, but tucked the well meaning gift under my arm and exited her abode.

I arrived home and purposely put the book (now thought on with scorn) on my kitchen table. There that scorned book sat for several days before I even attempted to glance at the title. Ready, Set ... Grow! I rolled my eyes and thought, "Great...another how to make my life better book." That's when I got ticked. Who is she to point out to me that my life needs improving?

I resigned myself to finally picking up the book and giving it a biased skim through. Skimming...skimming...skimming...WHAT YOU BELIEVE BECOMES YOUR TRUTH. I paused, shifted my bias a bit and read a little further. "The lies that you tell yourself actually become your truth." I crinkled my brow and wondered what lies have I been telling myself?

The book then asked me to assess the relationships in my life. OH, boy...ouch. Here are some of the questions for reflection:
1. Are some relationships showing signs of strain? Oh, you betcha
2. Are there people you have trouble communicating with or getting results from? Uh, huh

One person comes to my mind immediately. Although I know this person is kind and caring...I already have certain "truths" imprinted onto my feelbe brain. He will ultimately tire of me and dump my poor wretched soul. He is only talking to me because he has no one else to talk to and as soon as he finds someone else, I'm history. When I talk to him, I do try very hard to stay positive and have an upbeat attitude. the back of my mind these "truths" are there and screaming at me--"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE SAYS...IT WILL ALL END THE SAME!"

I took tons of psychology courses in college, because once upon a time...I thought that's what I wanted to be. I've read about the "self-fulfilling prophecies" where what you believe and expect comes to pass because you've (I've) predicted it and aided it.

As I reflect back on this relationship, I remember how easy and sweet it was in the beginning. Laughing, giggling...the yearning to hear his voice and he mine. Eventually a tension settled in and my perceptions became tainted by my own "truths".

My lie to myself was that no matter what he tells me, he'll eventually stop loving you and leave. I decided this before we even got a chance to have a relationship! Were there warning signals? NO. Was he an awful person? NO. Did he lie to me? NO. But...I already acted as if he did.