Monday, April 13, 2009

Too Much Trouble and Not Worth the Time

Have you ever been told that you're too much trouble and not worth the time? I have. What do you do when a person tells you something like that? My initial reaction of course was pain, then crying, then more crying...you get the point. Followed by self reflection, "am I really"? Then of course there's the knee jerk reaction of anger, followed by I'm sorry and then the ultimate beggar's phrase, "Do you still like me?"

That's what it boils down to for most of us, is that we want to be liked. So, we spend hours upon hours being the perfect person, contemplating how to put our best foot forward, being everything the other person wants without actually revealing anything about ourselves.

I recently told a friend about a physician's diet that I'm starting on Thursday. I described the program and how it reduces your caloric intake to 500 calories per day. This friend immediately responded with "HOLY CRAP!" how can you not be hungry!!! I thought for a minute and responded with: "If you really want to achieve something then you'll do what it takes to make it happen. You'll make the necessary time and sacrifices to make it work. Once you achieve the goal then there's a feeling of accomplishment." I could tell right away that this friend wasn't really in agreement, so I went on. Since my friend is a gamer I'd figure I'd try that approach. "Let's say you're playing online with your friends and the game is getting really hard. You don't give up...you keep trying to win. So, there's a time or two that the robots kick your butt. Do you stop playing the game? No, you keep going back because it's challenging and it stimulates you. You keep going on until your victorious. If it were too easy to win, you wouldn't play." My friend's response: "I see."

Relationships are difficult, they take time to mature and develop. At the first sign of trouble we tend to run screaming the other way. We become defensive, angry or frightened. We want everything to be perfect and to go smoothly because that's how it's supposed to be, right? Wrong. It takes time to understand someone; to see if they're a fit for you. As each layered is revealed and you discover something about that person that bothers you, you should be willing to say "Hey, I've identified "this" about you...it bothers me...is there any possibility that you'd be open to changing it?" Give the other person a chance to decide, don't make that decision for them, because that...my friend...is not fair.

3 comments:

Robbie said...

We never take the time to understand each other anymore. It's all about the "quick fix". Never enough time to actually get to know the person. Patience seems to be lacking in us as hearts break from all the doors slamming, and we wonder why...and never given the respect we deserve. I long for the romances our prior generations had. It was more pure. Acceptance was the norm, not the exception. And if there were a situation that arose, it was always worked out and overcome...

Robbie said...

TOGETHER I must add...

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

Robbie, spoken like a true and faithful person. Sure, I assume that if you know immediately that you and another person have nothing in common, no similar interests, then you probably need to get out of it...but finding out that someone is recovering from a bad experience? That's not an excuse...that's being a coward. So, I concur...have patience.