Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Rush - Marathon West To Alaska at West Texas State School

"From first to last
The peak is never passed
Something always fires the light
That gets in your eyes"

My hubby and I separated when my daughter was 4 ...she is now almost 9 years old. The first nine months were not so bad, her daddy was only about an hour away and they saw each other every weekend and sometimes during the week. The following summer, her daddy decided to move back to Denver, CO...taking him 14 hours away by car. This distance only made it possible for the two of them to see each other a few times a year, and this took its toll on my little one.

On one of our trips back from Denver, we stopped in Vaughn to fuel up and use the facilities. A man waited with us outside the little girl's room. The door opened slowly and a little girl about my daughter's age emerged and fell immediately into the man's arms. He swooped her up in a loving embrace...I observed my daughter watch this couple and winced with pain...when I saw her tiny eyes become teary. I knew that "they" reminded her of "them".

In chapter 4 of Ghost Rider, Neil experiences grief in the every day occurrences of life. A simple act of a family traveling together, a song or even a particular bird...brings his thoughts to dwell on Jackie and Selena, causing him to remember the "lost ones". Neil has some good moments in chapter 4; his eyes meeting the eyes of a pretty woman and feeling a spark, witnessing a family of black bears and riding down HWY 99.

I'm sure after the grief fades, anger will take it's place. I observed that in my own daughter...self-loathing, despising those around her that had fathers in the picture and utter despair. Neil realizes that it takes time and a recreation of his world for him to be able to do more than just survive.


Robbie said...

The trauma of loss can affect us in so many different yet undeniably common ways. Neil's view of the family he encounters, Annie's view of the little girl and her father, and for myself, the loss of so many in such a short time. For me, I was sure to let all other relatives know that I did not wish any more reunions under the circumstances of death. The anger of dealing with another death in the family was more than I could handle, and I made that point well to my siblings. In a nut shell, it is all about how we handle pain, anger and grief and how we pick ourselves up and keep going...like a "Marathon". You can do alot in a life time if you don't burn out too fast. You can make the most of the distance, first you need endurance, first you have to last...

This Father's Day was the 6th year since my Father past away. I love you Dad, and I still aspire to be just like you - serene, well thought of, and a leader of men. As for you Annie, hang in there sweetpea, I know the anger you feel very well but do not let it consume you. Look at the beauty and promise of each day knowing you are secure in the arms of a loving mother who will be there every step of the way on your Marathon. Let the sun smile and warm you each day, but if there should be rain remember that we all need some water to help us grow!

Peace and God Bless!

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

Robbie, truly heartfelt and sincere...very well said. I will pass your loving words onto Annie. :)
And you know what? You are more like your dad everyday.