Dear Abby Got Stumped?

I got the most disturbing email from my friend Jesse containing some letters that Dear Abby couldn't quite answer. I never knew that Abby, a most intelligent responder of letters, was unable to respond, so I just had to take a look at some of these letters and give it my best shot:

"Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?"

Clearly Abby's response should have been, "They are conjoined twins." I don't know how she got stumped by that one, really.

"Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?"

All Abby had to reply was, "Enjoy it."

"Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his."

Ho...I mean Oh, come on Abby, "Leave his cheatin' hide."

"Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?"

Abby, I'm so disappointed...how about this response, "See a witch doctor." Okay, not my best one.