Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I'm a Bitch, I'm a Lover--Mixed Signals in Wink, TX

I remember when this song first came out, I thought it was incredible. The video depicted Brooks on a background of flowers and pretty female symbols floating by in a stark contrast with "bitch". It was 1997, and the year before I had ended a five year marriage after the hubby of that marriage grazed in greener pastures. Some of you may know that the next marriage ended the same way. What I've always tried to understand is how a person can inflict so much pain and hurt on another. I can't explain the level of hurt I experienced, the caustic exchanges, the brutality of the words and actions. It would seem that the trauma would have left me bitter, but surprisingly, I'm not.

One I think, would take some time to ponder...two marriages ending the same, exact way? I've come to several conclusions on my own and have been given some insight from other sources. I'm going to share this information, because I think a lot of people, not just women have or will experience this type of heartbreak eventually.

First of all, I truly believe the ability to "cheat" on your significant other is either in you or not. Sorta like having a
predisposition to certain behaviors.

Secondly, I think it happens due to lack of communication. Someone apparently in the relationship wants something, right? I mean if he/she didn't then he/she wouldn't be out "looking". We lose the ability to talk to each other, to remember what brought us together in the first place.

The last revelation, isn't my own. It was revealed by a very close male friend. I related to him the happenings of inside the marriage, the events leading to the end. His observation was that I was too easy. That because of my willingness to please, to do for my hubby --I was disregarded. It's a hard pill to swallow. He explained to me that I needed to be more of a bitch.

I'm not willing to change that about myself. What I think will happen and has happened is that I won't be willing to fully love anyone again. Not because I'm afraid of, it's the time in between. The long periods of loneliness, of longing, of trying to figure out what it is you've done wrong. I don't ever want to allow anyone the ability to cause me so much pain...

OR...maybe there will be a person one day, who knows. All I do know, is that I'm content and satisfied with the way I feel. I'm not wondering, worried or wigged out.


Gar said...

The last revelation. That you were "too easy". You should throw that out the window and smack the person that said it.
When someone cheats on you it is ALWAYS their fault.
You can't blame yourself in the least little bit except maybe to say you made a mistake by falling for them in the first place.

Durango said...

What Gar said.

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

Really? So ya don't think I need to toughen up and stop being so nice?

Cheap Tricks and Costly Truths said...

The owner of the last revelation gave me reasons as to why my ex hubby did what he did...considering the type of man he is and his personality; he only suggested that was probably the reason. He does agree with you Gar, that I shouldn't have ever fallen for him in the first place. It has taught me the "signs" of cheating, which I'll blog one day soon about how to know...that should be fun.